not backpeddling because i believe in having safe places to express your feelings free of judgement of world. however, i see a need to add something to my previous blog.
life is truly uncertain and relationships (includes all) are always going to be trying and difficult. yet, i know that it is all leading somewhere. somewhere fantastic! unknown, but maybe that is what makes it so much better in my heart and mind.
need to figure out some of these things. much to ponder.
received some good advise from someone i respected tonight. related to how people want to force others into their space when someone else does not appear to be where they think that person should be. for example, attempting to pressure another to smile when maybe that person is doing fine not smiling and would prefer not putting up a front to make life easier for everyone else. maybe it is okay to let someone be who they are. the tough part is, what is about who we are as people and what part of it is our own personal bullshit or defense mechanisms we use to avoid dealing with our baggage.
that appears to be the challenge. to find the substance of ourselves and other people. yet give up and look at our own bullshit that prevents us from moving on with our lives. not an easy task. i know there are things/behaviors that i hold onto that hurt others and myself. know they need to change in time as well. maybe not a 180 degree change, but at least an earnest effort for the people i care about.
maybe the people that genuinely care about me are worth it. especially, because working through some hard stuff will help me feel better about myself in long run.
maybe it is time for change. seems to be a lot of that this past year. i will definitely remember 2006. lessons learned. many. friends gained. yes. good possibilities in future. yes.
essentially it is difficult figuring out what is important.
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