here i sit.

Just a teensy little update.

I am continuing to plug away in my chemistry class and have my first test in February. Much work ahead of me yet, but it can be done.

The bathroom in house has some minor work remaining on it, but I think that could be completed next week. I need to find a nice shade of almond/light brown for trim and doorways. It should go well with the dark sage green on walls. The sink and toilet look fabulous, though!

Pictures need to go up on walls too! Paint color choices for living room are still being discussed and negotiated with interested parties as well!

Cleaning the backyard in another pending project. Fortunately, the weather is improving and see it being handled sometime soon. Fixing fence and gate is first priority, but some trees would be really great. I love the weeping willow and bamboo in backyard, but a few more trees would look fabulous!

Regardless, of how overwhelming it might seem to handle all these tasks on house and need for money to do it all, I still love this little old house. It means a lot to me and I want to continue working on it and making it a home. It is funny how a house can represent so much more to us. I know it is just a thing and could be lost at any given moment, but I will do whatever is necessary within my power to keep it.

There is also someone that I have chose to share it with and I think it may be starting to matter to them as well. It is all in my entry "yours, mine & ours." It is never easy to bring another person into certain areas of our lives because there is a lot of trust involved in the act. Yet, we need to learn to trust and sometimes it requires a physical action to do so. Risky as all hell, but I know in my heart it is the best way to heal some damage from past. The healing process just isn't that smooth, at moments. See what I mean when I say the house symbolizes much to me. Not simple at all.

I realize that I could choose to remain very private about my life, but there is nothing that I reveal in my blogs that I feel the need to be secretive about. Quite frankly, cannot handle secretive behavior very well anymore. I have had my share of them and it has always hurt me in past. Therefore, I am done with it. Who I am does not need to be hidden so much anymore to the world. Those who know me personally may share a different opinion, but in all honesty, I have never lied about who I am or the things in life that truly matter to me. Just held back certain parts of myself when I feel uncertain regarding others intentions. Simply practical in life, y'know.

Yesterday, was the birthday of a close friend of mine. We ate food, cake (we even sang to her and she was not fond of it!) and sang karaoke songs into the wee hours of the night. I think she had a good time and that makes me feel good to know that because she has been through much in past year.

I think this may be a good spot to wrap this up. Watching "Six Feet Under" (loved the show) and my new favorite is "Dirt". Seems rather clever. Most important task of day is to study. Must not let that get by me. Procrastinate now! Just kidding.

Matter, molecules & atoms

I have recently returned to school and have started with chemistry class. A class that I have not been successful in past, but feel fairly certain I can get through it this time.

School is an unnerving topic for me at moments, but I think the time may have finally arrived when I am mature enough to do it.

The theory of combustion was interesting amongst the beginning info thus far.

Let's see where it leads me.

Yours...Mine....Ours

My thought for the day is a simple one. These particular words seem to hold a lot of confusion and difficulty in them. Convenience is another word occasionally associated with these three words.

I am not much of a believer in convenience because that often leads us down the incorrect path when we are making decisions on how to handle a situation. Most likely it will not be the high road.

Yours, mine and ours have another issue with them. For example, if we have chose to bring another person into the "ours" it should be seen as a very meaningful action. Another common misunderstanding is the possession associated with those words. It seems to me, that if we have chose to bring someone into the "ours" aspect of our life that "we" will travel with it. The use of word "we" does not indicate possession to me either with the correct intention. We have chose to partner with someone in life for whatever length it is meant to last. I think in midst of all the chaos of world and human relationships, that it is important to have conviction and stand by those who care the most about who we are. It is an acknowledgement of what another person means to us when we use the words "mine, we" etc. Respect for other person is tied into use of them for me. Our individualism/identity always remains intact when someone truly loves us for who we are because they are genuinely interested in good things happening for person they care for.

This is why I have chosen not to blindly buy into the massive idea of individualism that has taken over our society. It has created a selfish society and we are all paying for it at moments in our lives. It prevents us from staying committed to each other and leaves me with sad feeling when I think about the damage it has done to people's lives.

This is why language is so damn important to me. Not that my use of it is always eloquent, but it is all very meaningful.

Feel the need to call it quits for now. Much ahead of me to accomplish next week.

New Curtains! 2007

It is amazing what some new curtains will do for a room. A good cleaning of the house is helpful too.

I woke up feeling a little different today. Honestly, a little hung over, but brought in the new year dancing and having fun with friends. First time I have been awake for new year in about 5 years too. Danced with my significant other....kissed at midnight....Muy romantico!

See the possibilities for better year. 2006 was tough year and brought many changes to my life. Made some tough decisions last year and have continued to stand by them. A lot of personal choices involving respecting myself. Strangley enough , not always easy to do in life.

Seeing the bullshit for what it is and realizing it is time for me to move on past it. I will continue to work through my stuff and hold onto the spirit that has kept me going this long through some very difficult stuff.

Just need to keep my eye on the prize.